Coolmira

Because I was weak, I become strong.
Because I had cried one more, I can smile brightly.
I like a guy who has tears in their heart.
Only a guy who had experienced as a tear can hug triste without saying anything.
eventually, sometimes I'd like to be a weak girl, leaning someone's shoulder.

miss u
mani
all of sudden
miss you as much as books which I piled up next to my pillow
can't say I miss you. because u feel uncomfortable.
so I whisper myself that I miss him

write on the screenboard at school so that I explain
tag question of imperative tense
you didn't intend to show yourself to me like that way though
you are making me trained since I made myself ok, leaving you. 
it's just Auxiliary verb, just tag question, u r just teaching.
ridiculous
closed eyes

I should have loved the more when I could do...
today, I'd like to go to movie theater to hear blah blah instead of trying to hear his voice.

not planned Saturday morning
alittle bit lazy to get up to go Renault Samsung Headquarter in Seoul.
made an appointment to bring my car there before 10 am.
But arrived around 11, carrying 2 cups of coffee for mechanics, showing smiley sorry of being late.
was surrounded by about 20 old and new SM5s on one of glassed stories.
Mira was an only guest who could see cars were being repaired by them.
felt special and was excited of looking at the below of car.^^
really happy to see them.
while my sm5 was being repaired, J.K. and I went to have brunch.
It was not surprised of me to hear he is bored of his gf now and he dreams he leaves from her sometimes.
smiling face but I was murmuring again in my brain.
Why can't people love even their boring in relationship?
why does people want to love only when they feel good?
Love gives people cure, care and soothe though... why~
That's why people need to own their love.
whatever...I knew about him alittle bit more today from his talk.
He is a still quite responsible person for his gf.
J.K, u know this.
Your gf makes you look good.

one more memorize that I like a guy like my bed.
And I like a guy who is faithful and sacrifices, commits and supports his gf well.
But this kind of guy is rare like jewel.
many engaged guys! you know this.
when you guys were shown by committing for your gfs well, you guys reallllllly look more attractive for others also.

he thinks Volkswagen red color GTD is good match for me in my image.
I think so too for now.^^
His saying reminded me of thinking of ex-ex bf's GTi though, it's been a long time to be crazy about talking about cars with him, forgetting the time goes.
Until I park my favorite emblem Audi S8 in my garage at home! someday! soon!

I don't know what's going on now.
I really hoped I have a relax on my bed all day long, doing stuff was delayed so far like doing laundry, cleaning, reading, surfing the internet, internet shopping and so on.
But I did the thing I've been afraid of.

what I really clearly know is I can't hear the word any more I want to hear.

I feel confused of his saying because I still do not want to be like this situation.
I know when I can accept naturally, I can be ok or comfortable.
broke up, but he calls me pretty girl, beautiful and keeping touching with me by email.
does this expression mean he treats me as a child?
I was not, I am not a child.
How bad treats it is.
At least you know that though.

he said the things he thinks of me will not change.
he said he is thinking of me.
he said he misses me.
does this expression mean he is just nice to me?

What's going on earth?
please leave me without giving me any hope if u really want to.
pls, I would not only like to hate you, but also like to give myself pain.

I'm sorry when I hurt you with my saying.
I'm really sorry.
You really did revenge well.
I had too much hurt.
as u see, how much I try to get over this pain.
what do you want?
Is still there anything left what I can do for you?

3월 중순인데, 엊그제 내린 함박눈이 쌓였다가 녹아간다.
요즘 배고픔도, 배부름의 느낌이 없다.
소화불량에 얼굴에 뽀드락지가 두개 올라왔다.
학교에서 현수와 민석이랑 티나게 열냈다.
요즘 소리지르며 수업한다.
양쪽어깨가 쑤시고 아프다.

It's getting close to the middle of March.
The day before yesterday, it snowed alot, it's getting melting now.
I don't feel starving as well as full nowadays.
digestion disorder gave me pimples on my face.
I'd better stop handling classes with my loud voice.
both of shoulders need massages.


2007 11 13
그동안 감춰왔던 내 마음을 공개하게 된 이유는 솔직한 내 감정을 내 자신이
먼저 들어주고 위로해주고 싶어서.
무엇보다 내 자신에게" 잘하고 있다"는 칭찬과 용기를 주기 위해서.
내 자신을 사랑해 가고 있는 내가 참 좋습니다.
praise and courageous are the best gift from people.

2007 11 16
내면: internal

두려움과 맞서라
두려워~피하고 싶어, 만나면 잘못된 행동을 하게 되고.
더 복잡해. 그래서 피하고 싶어.
두려울수 있어.
두려워하지 않아야 한다가 아니라 두려움에 맞설수 있다.
잘 이겨낼수 있다.
외롭지 않아야 한다가 아니라 외로움을 잘 이겨낼수 있다.


인간관계:
일부러 냉정하게가 아니라 사랑하는 감정도 중요하다.
난 부족한 사람이야가 끼어든다.
상대방이 부족한 것, 내가 장점으로 가지고 있다.
객관적으로 주위 상황을 보라.
감정에만 속지 말고.

혼자서도 외로울수 있따.
혼자서도 외로움을 잘 이겨낼 수 있다.
혼자서도 행복할 수 있다.
누구와 함께여서 행복할 수 있고 혼자여도 행복할 수 있다.

2007 12 8
돌봐줘야 한다는 생각으로 내 자신을 돌보기는 뒷전이었다.
내 감정을 솔직하게 얘기하는데
상대방이 어떤 상처를 받을지 미리 생각하지 말고 얘기하라.
상대방이 어떤 감정으로 반응할지는 그 사람의 몫이니까.
내가 그 사람의 머리속에 들어가서 그 회로에 "나는 좋은 사람이다"라고 맞춰놓고 나오려고 한다. 내가 그 사람에게 좋은 사람이 아니어도 괜찮다.
내 감정을 얘기하는데 미안해하지 말아라.

싫은 사람에게서 연락오면 미안하다 생각지 말고 말해.
더 이상 생산적이지 않은 관계이기 때문에
안부묻는 연락, 굳이 안해도 난 잘지내니까 신경쓰지마.
꼭 연락해야 하는 일이면 서로 하면 되는 거고.
연락하기 싫은데 연락해야 하는 일이 있을수 있듯이.

2007 12 14
어릴적, 약하면서 강한 누군가가 내가 되어야 한다는 부담감!
털어놓고 기댈 수 있는 사람이 없었따.
이 사람에겐 이런부분, 저사람에겐 다른부분
조금씩 나누어서 기대라
요구와 부탁도 기대는 방법이다.

솔직하게 말해라 참다가 짜증으로 표현하기보단.
"나 피곤해서 지금 너의 말 듣고 싶지 않아"
난 이기적일 필요있다.

나 자신을 돌보자.
내가 나 자신을 돌보지 않으면 아무도 돌보지 않는다.

정서적으로 친한 교류를 나눌 줄 모르는 사람때문에 
마음에서 눈물이 솟아 올랐다.
그 사람의 말과 행동으로,
난 소중한 사람이고 아니고가 정해지는 것 아니니까 울지마~
눈물 뚝!

 그 사람이 그럴수 밖에 없었던
나름의 상처와 이유가 있겠지만 그건 그 사람이
일이니 내버려둬.

그런 사람에게 조차 좋은 사람이고 싶어서
나 자신을 탓하며 노력했다. 삐~

다른 사람에게 좋은 사람이기 전에
먼저 나 자신에게 좋은 사람이어야 한다

상식이 아닌 것은 정상이 아니다.
내가 휩쓸리면 나도 정상이 아니다.

상대방이 힘들면
상대방의 아픔에 내 아픔보다 먼저 섬세하게 반응했었다.
나의 아픔도 느끼면서 내 아픔은 뒤로 하고. 삐~

 

이제 내 욕구를 먼저 챙기고.
바라보는 상대방의 수준을 높게 하고.

맞아야 하고 자연스러워야 한다.
내가 먼저다.
난 이기적이다.
난 나를 사랑한다.
난 나를 먼저 돌본다.
난 소중하다.

나 배고파! 밥 사! 
내 성공에 너두 기여한거잖아.

수면시간 맞추기                                              
밤에 자지 않고 깨어 있는 것을 왜 싫어하는지 가만히 들여다봐봐?
기분 나쁨 때문에 아로마향초나,
잠도 오지 않는데 불끄고 눈감고 있는 방법으로
피해 버리려고 하지만 말고,

티비보거나 pc가 싫으면
날이 새더라도 책 보는거야.
뭐 어때 피곤하면 낮잠도 잘수 있는거지~.
수면 시간은 "니가 안오면 내가 간다"는
내가 잠 자는 시간을 찾아 가는게 아니라.
기상시간을 일정하게 맞추려고 노력하다 보면
저절로 자신한테 맞는 수면시간을 찾게 되고
잠을 자야 할 시간이 되면 잠이 오는 거란다.

생각하지 않으려고 노력하면 더 괴로워진다는 이론이 있단다.
내가 어떻게 해야 할지 알게 됐따.
생각나면 괴로워하면 된다.

내가 두려워하고 있는 것은 호랑이가 아니라 파리였다.

 

lately knew exactly.
students have given me encourage when I felt discouraged.
too much grateful students for me.
Thanks guys.

You guys looked like being scared of loud voice though.
But you guys were really cute at that time, making me smile.
Thanks to my voice, u guys really got attention, right?
I really loved you guys' attention. Thanks.

Whenever I was stuck in being light-headed during the class, making my voice volume loud, showing smiley face.
love you guys, really appreciate and feel thankful.

2 more days to go, be patient to get comfortable with hot chocolate.
I think I'm quite good at enjoying being alone rather than being boring.
I really like myself in this way.

"This too shall pass" is a proverb indicating that all material conditions, positive or negative, are temporary.

When I'm at the top of mountain, be humble.
when I get discouraged, be courageous.

Mira, be satisfied that you did best.

YES, I am. I don't regret my heart, energy and time.
I just hurt, that's all.
I think I'm having enough hurt.
I just need alittle time more to move onto the another new life.
thank you for meeting me and being with me whenever I need you, HF.

quite busy enough to have a good day.
I did a mistake, this is the second time since I did the same mistake 10 or 11 yrs ago.
all students were waiting for me, but I thought today's class is done. so I left school as soon as I thought I was done. When I got back to school, there was 8mins left to be done though, and I felt alittle sorry to students though, it was funnier than being serious for me. really funny, cute and silly I am.ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

so grateful day R. appreciated that I gave up having my belly dancing class to listen to his problems.
I gave alittle help to american family as a typing translator.

it was great day for me. Thanks HF.

being alone, apart from, away from, taking a break, breaking up
these words are so mean words for me for now.
"mean" vocabulary has cruel meaning. I learned it lately.
not just with dictionary, but with real feeling.
so mean....so mean....
who had a knife inside of heart?
eventhough I can hurt from this knife later, I hoped it was a fake knife between my relationship at least. But it was not "at least", it was my big wishes.
It really happens to me now.

I came back my home safely.
It means I was in unsafe place, huh?--;
I was alone originally.
as you know, that's why I'm easy to be patient about being alone.
I hope I'm not crying.
There was a good excuse like delayed flights about my poor face on thursday morning at school.
But...If I cry alot today for now, there's not a proper excuse for tomorrow.
If someone asks me why I look tired or sad, I need to explain or make a joke without my mood. I do not want to talk about my sad feeling, I do not want to feel and think more.
I will just write down and enjoy what I'm doing now.

I guessed alittle bit the time u said I could have a date with the other guys.
But I didn't want, feeling bad from your saying. thinking why u were saying to me.
feeling weird, I resisted accepting the thing u don't want me to be your gf.

whenever u told me "I'm great, wonderful, special, close to u and means alot to u"
I thought "do I have to be always only g.w.s.c.m person for him forever?"
I was murmuring by myself "sometimes when I can be an weird, bitter, bad, weak, annoying person to you, could you love my flaws even?"

I guessed when u said to me at least my English was better than 2 months ago, I wondered why u were thinking of that?

Since she hurts from love, by the time she recovers from hurted heart, she searches for her love again. so CHA MI RA is an idiot.

need to go to grocery store to buy tooth paste, towel for dishes, tooth brushes and cereal, milk....

raining again..hate it.
headache...
sorry to myself.
giving myself pain.
Mira, I love you, there's someone who really loves you, don't be sad too much. life is what u have to move on.  feel sad when u can't resist, just be nice to yourself. I love you, Mira. I love you Mira. 
I'd like to hear this echo forever
I'm too thirsty of my soul and love.

life goes alone (as HF leads)
loneliness is my buddy
dealing with hardship is hobby
feeling happy is the result

sore throat, chilly body, but at least my heart is happy.
Because my brother showed his sorry to me.
How many times is it going to be happened to me this kind of weird situation?
a little gloomy I am at the same time.
nobody is beside me for now.
while he is sleeping, want to kiss and hug him. miss him so much.

the quiet mood is what I really want though, at the same time this is gloomy also.
thinking about many changeable things nowadays.
why are those happening to me?
It means Heavenly father wants me to be changed?
wonder..., but I expect HF gives me the most precious thing.

1st project
FCG's Severance Agency

missing someone, falling asleep is not bad.
except that I can't kiss and hug with real one.

until I am worn out with this schedule, let's do my best in this year.
This memorable time table in my life proves that money makes my body worn out.

	M	T	W	T	F
9h10 - 9h 55	303	201		101	101
		306	201	303	306
	306	204	309		104
	204	104		309
		309	306	104	201
2h25 - 3h10	101	303	303	204	309
3h40 - 4h 25	3 - 9	3h40 ~ 5h10	1 - g	3h40 ~ 5h10	2 - c
4h30 - 5h 15	3 - 9	after school	1 - g	after school	2 - c
5h25 - 6h 10	2 - c		3 - 9		1 - g
6h15 - 7h	2 - c		3 - 9		1 - g

8h30 - 9h50	Tae Kwon Do	Tae Kwon Do	Tae Kwon Do	Tae Kwon Do	Tae Kwon Do
10h - 10h 50		Belly Dance		Belly Dance
11h	S	L	E	E	P
6H	G	e	t	U	p

내가 소중히 생각하는 나만의 자유라고 부르는 것이.
때로는 보는 사람을 한숨짓게 하고
게으름이었던 동시에 여유였던
나의 무딘 습성하나가
나를 샌프란시스코 공항에 22시간을 더 기다리게 했다.
22시간!의 의미는.

지금쯤이면 한국 도착했을 지금 이시간,
11시간째다.
샌프란 현지 시간 자정을 조금 넘었다.
뱅기 놓치구 유나이티드 에어라인가서
수퍼바이저까지 4명, 얘기를 했지.
졌다.
쏠렉공항에서 샌프란 공항 날씨탓에 모든 비행기 지연되니
비행기 지연되도 이상없을거라던 유나이티드 여직원 너!
너한테 각서 받아왔어야 했어.
샌프란 착륙한다는 방송은 1시 54분.
내 한국행 뱅기 이륙시간은 1시 30분.

전광판 보면서 97번 게이트로 향하던 중...
flight closed
진짜 가버린거야.
승객 명단에 나 있구
쏠렉에서 발권했다는 것도 알 수 있는 인간들이
손님하나때메 250명 기다리게 할수없다며
정확히 30분만에 날아가버렸다.
250 passenger vs mira
250대 1의 존재는 뭔가!
what is my existence?
Yu-na made 4.5million peoples' existence know to the world.
but ...I.... I.... 250 vs me...

연아는 4천 500만의 존재감을 세계에 알린 1명이구.
난...난...250대 1도 못해본 나는...

유나이티드 항공직원들과 4시간에 걸친 말 씨름 끝에...
괴물같은 것들..
에너지 소진되면 다른 것들이 뎀비구
복식으로 덤비구... 비겁한 것들. 

눈물나지 당근..
내 눈물이 그래도 내 맘을 녹여주드라.
유타에서 당장 뱅기타고 날아오지 않는 윌이.
밥 먹으라고, 호텔 가서 자라고 말하는 윌이 섭섭했는데.
엄청난 바램이었다는 거..
학교에 이멜로 연락하고 전화안했다는 비판 들으면서
윌한테 고맙게 생각하게 됐어.
좀 더 잘 해주고, 편하게 해주고 올껄. 미안해 윌.
I should have been nicer and should make him comfortable.
Someday if u have a chance to visit Korea, I will be nice to you more.
But you are already better than me in many areas. miss you and envy Dan.
이번에 한국오면 내가 잘 할께. 요리는 너가 잘하니까 니가 하구.

사랑하는 윌,
방에 쳐박혀서 혼자 이런 저런 상상하면서
싸이코 연애 fcg였던 거 용서해줘.
사랑해 많이.
많이 보고 싶어.
아직 니가 밟고 서있는 미국땅이여서인지
아직도 너랑 같은 마을에 있는 거 같다. 

보고 싶다 많이.

 manicotti

Belgian Waffle House

Pork Rice Egg Batter

  A pretty girl, actually pretty picture in a lucky day

Will wearing Marc Jacobs Jacket
I really loved this Jacket!
the color of Jacket looks like khaki
you deserve you are cocky
you are super, cool and awesome for me. 

* 윌이 케익이나 쿠키가 아닌 밥, 아니 음식을 해줘야 한다고

마니꼬티를 만들어왔었다.

정말 고마워 해야 할 당시에는 "당연하지!" 라고 생각하고

이렇게 뒤에서야 눈물나게 고맙고 사랑스럽다 윌이.

 

* 도시락데이 화욜에 준비했던

돼지고기+쌀+부침가루+계란으로 만든 동그랑땡?^^

맛있었다고 말해줘서 고마웠어.

 

* 벨지언 와플!

윌의 절친, 댄과 윌의 스페셜 레스토랑, 소박하다 못해 초라해보이기까지 하는. 하지만..왜 일까? 이 레스토랑은 또 가고 싶어지게 한다. 윌과 나로 하여금. 그랬다 정말.

좋았다.

윌이 이 사진에 이 말 해달래.

사진에 기분이 안좋아보이게 나온 윌은 사진이 그렇게 보인거라구.

자기는 나랑 있어서 너무 행복했다고. 꼭 적어 달라고.

 

보고 싶다 지금쯤 쌔근 쌔근 자고 있을 너. 많이 보고 싶다.

I feel like taking off burden clothes now.
so good to feel and think some stuff in my life.
That's my name!

I think I'm so cute to myself!
yes I am.^^

origin                                       sanskrit
meaning                                   prosperous

origin                                       slavonic
Meaning                                   great; famous

origin                                        latin
meaning                                   astonishing

origin                                         English
meaning                                    variant of Myra

5 a.m. too sleepy now.. I have to be awake 6 more hrs. too sleepy...I think in an airplane I'm going to sleep whole time. toooooo sleepy....... dizzy..headache..feeling disgusting alittle...5 30 in the morning in slc.. But 4 40 am my brain and body automatically fall down again and again...... Someone saw me!   ><; 7 a.m. too cold. got one more hot chocolate. need to brush my teeth at least without taking a shower. fcg at San Francisco Airport as a homeless stayed up all night. 8 24 a.m. in SFO appreciate my students. saying like "miss you, did you come back? you were not in your classroom yet. where are you?" thanks 애들아..go ma wa ma ni. 9 59 in the morning at SFO Willingly, go to Japan today. Willingly, apologize about being late to come back to school. happily, walk to my way like learning, teaching and loving. so excited to go back to Korea now. In terms of speaking in English in this year! I became to think of working at airport is kind of cool job more than being flight attendant. hmm I got confidence about my English speaking. I can do speak well people who works at airport when I really do try. until I can express my feeling and idea without vocabulary frontier! in terms of my health belly dancing with Sun Jeong running track again mountain climbing with Cona in terms of relationship Just having fun with guys if I have a chance and If I feel like enjoying. interactive communication with students let things happen between us freely

in terms of money in this year sweating, chasing my jobs more than thinking about going on a trip. day class, nigh class and one private tutoring opening 2,500 monthly saving account again NO more accessories! No massages! No manicure! No more clothes! Clear! I am "I", not "i"